Onion News Network

One of the network's beautiful reporters is kidnapped and Onion News Network leaps into action. Brooke Alvarez runs down the big stories of the day. Tucker Hope delivers the Daily Briefing on a high-tech screen.

Brooke Alvarez oversees reporters from her vantage point in the FactZone.

Scandal erupts over a conservative senator's relationship with a horse. In the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez separates truth from lies so you don't have to waste time making up your own mind.

FactZone celebrates five years of total news dominance. Brooke Alvarez tracks the top stories of the day. Millions of viewers tune in nightly to watch Alvarez, beautiful and well-informed.

A predator drone plane stands trial in military court. Brooke Alvarez delivers a 30-minute nonstop news assault, covering politics, entertainment, science, and business news in the FactZone.

After America suffers a cyber attack, Brooke Alvarez interviews top U.S. officials via satellite. If someone saw something, or allegedly did something, you'll see them on the FactZone.

A breaking news report reveals the president has been kidnapped. In the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez provides viewers with the latest news from around the world, except for the countries no one cares about.

When Wall Street panics after a stock market crash, Brooke Alvarez explores the story in depth.

Washington enters talks with the people of Real America. Whenever news happens, Brooke Alvarez is fearless in her pursuit of the truth, going to any length to bring America the news.

As America responds to news that the American Dream has died, Brooke Alvarez provides the news you need to survive in this terrible, frightening world.