Young Person's Guide to History

The Declaration of Independence: Thomas Jefferson unites us all as her pulls the Declaration of Independence from his bleeding torso. London, Broil: K.I.N.G. G.E.O.R.G.E. computes war against the colonies. You Smell Like Whiskey and Sperm: Jefferson, Franklin, and Hamilton hole up in a roadside motel, and discover a trio of hot nurses just waiting for a stabbing victim. Delicious Garlon: The French and Americans settle down for a delicious meal of national bird.

The Library of Congress: Thomas Jefferson donates his entire collection of colonial erotica to the government to pay off his loan. The Third Vice President of the United States: Jefferson needs a vice president. Ergo, he needs Ben Franklin's lab to make one.